An open letter of explanation

I’m here to simply explain myself. Whether you want to hear that is up to you but I do feel I have to since I’m a little wired up differently

Firstly, I’m quiet because I’m scared. I’m afraid of a lot of things and get anxious about multiple things. If I’m quiet and barely talk around new people, it’s just that I’m afraid of making a fool of myself.

Secondly, you think I’m strange because I’m not the same. Well I’m not. But I’m just different in my brain and the way I see and deal with the world is most likely different from yours. I try my best to see from your angle so I wish you could see from mine.

Thirdly, I’m so horribly afraid of people shouting so please take care not to raise your voice. I know some people can’t help it but when a person turns stern or raises their voice it shakes the whole inside of me and it triggers fear in my brain, probably the same fear you would experience if you heard a grizzly bear come into the room. Well probably not

I’m sorry if you’ve paid me a compliment and I didn’t seem to reply correctly. I just don’t know how to respond. Don’t hold a grudge against me if I barely mumble a ‘thanks’ or sound cocky. Compliments really do help my self esteem, I just don’t know how to react.

I’m sorry that I twitch at random points. I tend to do it when a chill runs over me or if something freaks me out. I’m not acting up and I’m not doing it for attention. It’s just an uncontrollable habit of mine and I’d prefer not to be looked at like I’m an idiot or that I’m trying to be funny.

Please don’t get angry or upset at me if I admit that you’re one of the people I think hates me. Even if I hang out with you for three hours and chat often I can still think you don’t want to be around me and sometimes I need to voice this fear to find reassurance. However I understand if this comes as a shock or confusion to you but please just understand and reassure me. Remember, I feel like my own brother hates me sometimes.

There’s probably more and I will add more on a later date if I think of any but I just long to be understood. I try my best to fit in with you and try to seem normal, and all I ask for is acceptance and understanding

Thank you

Dana, out